Part 2 of 3: Three Core Principles For A Successful Marriage

In part one of this series, I outlined the Biblical framework for a God-honoring marriage, which begins with the core principles of Be(ing), Do(ing), and Have(having) - in that specific order - as discussed in Genesis 1:28.

We talked about how God's first instruction to humanity was to "be fruitful," which means utilizing the seed of creativity which He placed inside of all of us, as human beings who were created in His image.

We also discussed that before you can do the work necessary to have the marriage God wants you to have, you must first become the person whom He has called you to be, through the process of sanctification.

This requires daily prayer and seeking God's wisdom, so that you can align your will with His will, rather than focusing on what you want from marriage or trying to make your spouse fit into your own expectations.

The main take-away was that many marriages struggle because couples attempt to skip this crucial first step of "being" - which is surrendering to God's sanctification process, and using their God-given creativity to become the unique husband or wife that their specific marriage requires.

Always keep in mind that no two marriages look the same because each person has been given their own special seed of creativity to fulfill God's unique plan for their relationship.

Now that we’ve recapped the first core principle of "being," we can discuss the second core principle: the Biblical concept of “doing."

When you think about the word doing, what comes to mind? What first comes to my mind when I hear the word doing is working, or doing activities.

Well in Genesis 1:28, the Lord tells us exactly what to do. He said to “[do] fill the earth and subdue it. [Do] Rule over the fish…and the birds…and over every living creature..” (NIV).

The mandate that the Lord gave us to engage in the activity of multiplying and filling the earth means that having and raising children, and populating the earth, were part of God’s plan for marriage. These are the things that he wants us to do.

We multiply the God-likeness that was placed in us by reproducing, or creating more people in the likeness of God.

It’s important to note that multiplying by physically giving birth to children is not the only way to multiply God’s image.

We can also multiply his image by helping to raise other people’s children, or by mentoring or providing discipleship.

The point is that we were given the mandate to multiply and fill the earth with God’s image, because we are image-bearers of God.

God then tells us to subdue the earth and everything in it.

The act of subduing something means to actively rule over a thing with effort and physical force. We’re not called to destroy that thing, but to make that thing grow and to be productive, or helpful, for everyone.

This is what work is. Work is the process through which human beings prevent chaos and bring order to our lives and to the world.

Have you ever noticed that you have to do something, or work at something - like bathing or brushing your teeth - in order to have good hygiene?

But if you do nothing, your body will automatically, and quickly, descend into funk-ville, and you will no longer smell or look fresh.

This is the law of entropy playing out in real life. Entropy is waaay outside the scope of this newsletter, but I encourage you to research the law of entropy, especially from a Biblical perspective. It’s fascinating.

So we now understand why the Lord MANDATED that we do PROPER work. If we don’t do the proper work necessary to subdue, or rule over everything we were meant to rule over, we would all descend into chaos.

This process of doing the work that needs to be done applies to our marriages, as well.

Marriages are like delicate flowers. They need the proper love, care and attention to make them grow into the strong relationships they need to be in order to prevent the weeds of comparison, distraction, apathy and grudge-holding to take root and destroy everything that the Lord has planned for us.

But we cannot do the work necessary to sustain the covenant of marriage without first becoming the person we need to be, through the process of sanctification, or being set apart for a specific use.

We’re reminded about how God always does things in an orderly fashion in 1 Corinthians 14:40, where the Bible says “But be sure that everything is done properly and in order” (NLT).

If we attempt to do ANYTHING outside of GOD’S proper order, we will fail.

This is why we see some marriages implode after the couple has been together for decades.

Because the couple likely attempted to do certain things within their marriage that THEY wanted to do, instead of doing the things God wanted them to do, and they didn’t focus on becoming the people that God needed them to be from the beginning.

If they had yielded to the process of becoming who God wanted them to be, they would have been better able to survive the tough times that all marriages go through, so they could then do the work that God wanted them to do.

There are few guarantees in life. One guarantee is that we’re all going to die some day.

Not to be morbid or anything, but that is the reality.

And here's another guarantee: when we align our lives with God's processes and principles which are laid out in His Word, we're setting ourselves up for the most successful lives and marriages we could ever imagine.

In Jeremiah 29:11, the Bible says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV).

And in Romans 15:13, the Bible says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (NIV).

Each step in the three core principles of be, do and have must be done in order. If you try to do them out of order, you will fail.

God has explained to us that he is a God of order; that He has plans for us; that he wants us to prosper, and that we will find our hope in Him.

Learn to trust the process which lies within the principles of BEing who God wants us to be, so that we can Do the work that’s necessary to help our marriages thrive and reflect God’s image back to the world.

If you focus on what you need to focus on, and ignore the things that are not helpful to you or for you, you will begin to see sustained joy and peace in your marriage.

Next week, we will discuss the third step of have (or having), from the three core principles that are necessary in order to create the successful, life-long marriage that God wants you to have.

Until next time,

Alicia